New Moon
by Jan08
Summary: When Edward leaves, both Edward and Bella have to face a tough decision. Most of us know how Bella reacts, but what kind of torment did Edward have to go through being away from his true lover? :: New Moon Edward POV. Word for Word. Feedback!
1. Chapter 1: It Takes Some Convincing

My mind didn't want to accept it, and neither did my heart, yet somehow both knew the truth

**I do not claim New Moon as my own. This is SM's genius work, I'm just touching it up, and switching around the point of view. Credit goes to SM as well as me. Some parts are copied word for word from NM just to give you the full effect.**

**Chapter 1: It Takes Some Convincing**

My mind didn't want to accept it, and neither did my heart, yet somehow both knew the truth. I had no say in the matter, which is something that doesn't always happen. Not that me exercising free speech would have done any good. This decision was unanimous, and it was for the good of everyone; Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. But most importantly, it was for the good of Bella. We were leaving, end of discussion.

I snapped out of my daze. Bella's car was pulling into the parking lot behind Forks High School. She seemed troubled, just as I was, except I was better at hiding my own imperfections. I leaned motionlessly against my polished silver Volvo, waiting for Bella; my Bella. Alice stood by me, waiting for her too. Bella was beautiful. She didn't seem to think so, and she believed in herself a great deal less than I did. It was almost as if I could see her for who she was when she herself could not.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice cried. She was probably more excited about Bella's 18th birthday than Bella was herself. I felt a pang of sympathy for Alice. She had worked so hard on this birthday party. I could only hope Bella realized that, would act accordingly. We all knew she wasn't very happy about being older, a feeling I'd never know, but she'd break Alice's heart in two if she didn't seem excited.

"Shh!" Bella hissed. She glanced around, probably not wanting others to make a big deal. The last thing she wanted some kind of celebration. She had made that ridiculously clear.

Alice, of course, ignored her. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly, as they made their way to where I was waiting.

"No presents," she protested. _Bad move, Bella._ Alice was the type of person who was very persistent. She succeeded in getting anything she wanted. "Brainwash" was her nickname.

"Okay…later, then." She said. That was Alice for you. "Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" Alice prodded. This was the small-talk. We had to get Bella buttered up for her party.

"Yeah." Bella replied, quite solemnly. "They're great."

"_I_ think it's a nice idea." Alice resumed. "You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience." I agreed with Alice, actually. I couldn't count how many times I'd been a senior on my two hands.

"How many times have _you_ been a senior?" Ah, my Bella was a smart one.

"That's different."

Bella extended her hand out to me, and I took it eagerly, forgetting for a moment my glum mood. I gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. They were soft, and thin, and rather warm. I chuckled to myself. _To me, anything was warm._ I lifted a cold finger and traced it around her plump, red lips. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct."

"Just checking." I ran my hand through her tousled hair, breathing in her scent, and yet, tasting and cherishing it at the same time. I knew this would be one of my last chances. "You _might_ have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed, while Bella gave out a sort of exasperated sigh.

"I don't like getting older." Bella volunteered. She was never one to give out information unnecessarily, so it was an oddity.

"Bella, you're only 18." Alice said, in an attempt to comfort the birthday girl. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

I laughed out loud, this time. I assumed it was a little bit harder in the human world. Alice and I never had to worry about getting _older._ The word, to say, was strange. I myself had never had to worry about age, but pretty much everyone else did. I longed to know the feeling of age. To be older. To progress. I was stuck in one age, forever. The thought was a bit overwhelming, but I coped as best I could.

"It's older than Edward." She replied, her voice hard with an edge. I sighed.

"Just by one little year." Alice responded. _More like a hundred little years. _I was always going to be older than Bella, if you wanted to look at the matter technically. I was a hundred years older than Bella, yet my attitude and outlook on life advanced with each decade. Bella never had to_ really_ worry about being older than me.

"What time will you be at my house?" Alice continued, changing the subject.

"Quite frankly, I didn't know I had plans to be there." I shot a glance at Bella. She was serious.

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what _I_ want."

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I chimed in, ignoring Bella's request.

"I have to work," she protested, putting up a weak defense.

"You don't, actually." Alice told her smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I-I still can't come over," she stammered, scrambling for an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet _yet for English."

Alice snorted. "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized."

"But, Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it-that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. We all knew Bella was going to wind up at my house. She needed too much convincing.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused, pointedly.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

I noticed Alice had finally lost her smug smile, and gave Bella a tough glare. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other-"

I interrupted Alice's attempt at a threat. "Relax, Alice." I paused, "If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

Alice glared at me. She began to open her mouth to speak.

"So there," Bella added, thinking she had won the fight.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued. "That'll give you more time to set up."

Alice's laughter chimed in again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned in triumph.

"Edward, please-" Bella started to beg, but I pressed a finger against her warm lips. "Let's discuss this later." I said. "We're going to be late for class."

With that, we opened the wooden door to our classroom, and settled in our seats. The bell rang, and our minds quickly fell into place.


	2. Chapter 2: Movie Night

I do not claim New Moon as my own

**I do not claim New Moon as my own. This is SM's genius work, I'm just touching it up, and switching around the point of view. Credit goes to SM as well as me. Some parts are copied word for word from NM just to give you the full effect.**

**Chapter 1: It Takes Some Convincing**

School had finally ended for the day. It seemed to fly by. Perhaps school was a breeze for me because I had endured the same subjects for 90 years. I had learned it when it was first invented. I pondered that fact.

I walked with Bella to her car. She had her arms folded, with a trace of a pout of her lips. "It's my birthday," she said, as I got into to driver seat, "don't I get to drive?" She gazed up at me with big dark eyes.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I retorted. I smiled very briefly.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…" _Touché_.

"All right." I gave her a hint of faux acceptance. She huffed in triumph. I got out of the driver seat and walked to the passenger seat, and climbed in. "There, then." I said. "Happy Birthday."

"Shh," Bella shushed me half-heartedly. She probably had wished I'd taken up the other offer. She started the radio as she pulled out of the parking spot. I'm pretty sure she saw me shake my head in disapproval. It just wasn't safe. "Your radio has horrible reception," I pointed out.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car, then." Bella replied, rather rudely. She was rarely bad tempered with me, so I didn't mind. She was probably just a bit nervous with Alice's extravagant plans.

The car came to an abrupt stop, and I heard a shifting of gears. Bella got out of the car, and shut the door. I did the same, and was at her side in an instant. I took her face in my hands. I pressed the tips of my fingers across her temples, her cheekbones, her jawline. She was so…delicate, so fragile. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I told her.

She closed her eyes. "And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she asked, her breathing suddenly frantic and uneven.

"Too bad." I replied. I leaned closer, and pressed my lips against her warm mouth. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I breathed in her scent. It was so sweet, so warm. I wish she wasn't the exception to my unique ability. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish I could tell her what I was about to do. I wish I didn't have to leave. I pulled back. "Be good, please." I begged. I pressed my lips to hers one last time, and pulled away, leaving her pouting mouth, and watching her arms fold across eachother.

-x-

Once we were inside, I sprawled myself across the couch, while Bella slipped the movie into the VCR, and started fast-forwarding through the opening credits. When she was done, she came and perched herself on the edge of the sofa. I put my hands around her waist, and pulled her against my chest. I pulled an old afghan off the back of the couch, and draped it on her. She would get cold fast, I decided. I felt like ice.

I faced the T.V. screen. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I commented as the movie started.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" Bella asked, nearly taking my opinion to offense.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

"Do you want me to watch this alone?" she asked, avoiding my view on the matter at hand.

"No," I replied. "I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." It was the truth. Her beauty was so radiant, and vivid. It glowed in every direction. I couldn't stop watching it and soaking her in. I didn't know if I deserved it. "Will you cry?" I asked. I hated seeing her in any pain.

"Probably," she admitted. "If I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." I said as I kissed her hair.

It might have been a little distracting, I must say, to Bella, that I was whispering Romeo's lines in her ear, but when he said them, it did the power of the words no justice. Shakespeare had strung the sentences so beautifully, so majestically, that when they escaped Romeo's mouth, they didn't have the same effect Shakespeare must have intended. When we reached the part where Juliet woke only to find her beloved husband dead, I gave up a little more information than I should have. "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said, as I dried her tears with a lock of her long, brown hair.

Apparently Bella agreed. "She's very pretty."

I couldn't believe my ears. It was not her beauty I was jealous of. "I don't envy him for the _girl_-" Bella seemed at ease when I said that. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

"What?" Bella gasped. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to alarm her.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he realized what he'd become…"

"What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?" Bella prodded.

"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I paused to take a deep breath. I didn't want to go into this. "Of course, I was trying to find you, but my mind was making other plans. A plan B, if you will." Bella's eyes narrowed. "Like I said," I continued, "It's not as easy for me as it is for a human. I wasn't going to live without you. But I wasn't sure how I should go about _doing it._"

"What plan B? Doing _what?_" Bella insisted.

"I knew no one would support my decision. So I needed to do it alone. I thought I would go to Italy, and do something that might provoke the Volturi." I added. I glanced at Bella, who was giving me a dubious look.

"What is a _Volturi_?" she asked, curious.

"The Volturi are a family, Bella. A very powerful family." I explained. "Of our kind." I added. "Anyway. You don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die."

I heard the door open. Charlie was home. It was probably best to leave. I kissed Bella quickly before Charlie made his appearance in the hallway. "Mr. Swan, do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I might as well ask now. Charlie eyed me, skeptically.

"No, no, I guess not." He said.

"Thank you." I said to Charlie.

"Yeah, yeah," was his response. "You two have a good time." I smiled, triumphant, and pulled Bella to her feet.

"Goodbye, dad!" were the muffled words that escaped Bella's mouth as she kissed Charlie on the cheek. "We won't be too late!" She took my hand, and led me through the door.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Charlie exclaimed, as we got into the car, and headed for the party.


	3. Chapter 3: A Little Out of Line

**I do not claim New Moon as my own. This is SM's genius work, I'm just touching it up, and switching around the point of view. Credit goes to SM as well as me. Some parts are copied word for word from NM just to give you the full effect.**

**Chapter 3: The Celebration**

We arrived at my house. From the outside, no one would ever have known that a party was inside. Alice had done a good job of keeping everything secret, so no one would make it a big deal. There was one wish of Bella's that was coming true. I glanced over at Bella when we had gotten out of the car. She didn't seem thrilled. "Bella," I said. She looked over at me, giving me her full attention. "Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is." She replied. I loved Bella, adored her. But, sometimes she was a bit difficult.

I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited." I watched as Bella's face turned from not-thrilled to absolutely serious.

"Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you…" I began. I wanted to tell her that most everyone was here. Any type of celebration Alice could get her hands on planning she didn't take lightly.

"Please do," replied Bella.

"When I say they're all excited, I do mean _all _of them."

"Everyone?" Bella asked, obviously in a subtle shock. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." _Another lie._

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But…Rosalie?" Bella asked again. I felt as though Bella often provided me more questions than answers.

"Bella, I know. Don't worry. She'll be on her best behavior." I truly hoped she would be. I decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything you'd like for your birthday?" I smiled at her.

Bella's reply was in the form of a mere whisper. "You know what I want."

I could see her face had fallen when she saw my own frown. I suddenly wished I had stuck to the matter of Rosalie, rather than bringing on this one. "Not tonight, Bella. Please." I really didn't want to think about it.

Suddenly, I realized something. If it wasn't tonight, it wasn't ever going to be. The pang of realization struck me like a bolt of lightening during a storm. Then the waves of denial crashed upon my shore. The little voice in my head that I had been ignoring all day suddenly boomed, making itself more prominent. I was leaving tomorrow. My feelings somehow changed to anger, to panic. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I said, quite menacingly, making my point clear.

"That's not fair!" she cried. _I know, Bella. It's not._

"Be a good sport." Those were my last words before we made it inside.

-x-

Everything was absolutely fine. Bella had opened most of her gifts, and had liked them, or atleast pretended to. She was a fine actress, my Bella was. She reached for the last package. It was the one Alice and I had purchased for her.

It all happened very fast there, from what I could remember. She opened it, and cut herself on the tiny length of wrapping paper. A single drop of blood oozed from her finger. "No!" I roared, leaping to her, to protect her from Jasper.

Jasper slammed into me, the impact even hard for me to take. There was a gnarling noise, one I hadn't heard before in all my years knowing Jasper. It was the sound of thirst. The sound of being deprived of blood. And here it was, oozing right in front of him. The temptation was like fresh meat in front of a lion. I had to stop it. This couldn't be my fault!

Luckily Emmett had come inside, and grabbed Jasper from my side. I worried for Bella. Glass shards had pierced every inch of her arm. Dazed and disoriented, she looked up from the bright red blood pulsing in her arm. For once, it wasn't me looking at my Bella. It was us, _vampires_, looking at our prey.

-x-

I thanked Carlisle for staying so calm through the whole ordeal. The last thing we needed was a seventh ravenous vampire. But, I blamed myself. If I didn't bring her here, like she wanted, this wouldn't have happened. She would've been safe. Leaving seemed like the appropriate choice for us both. I couldn't put her in any sort of danger if I was away.

"Ow," she muttered, under her breath. I cringed as I heard Bella acknowledging pain. I had done this. I could not control myself. I was all wrong for her._ Plink, plink. _Carlisle had begun picking the shards of glass from Bella's torn arm. I had no idea how much damage had been done. _Plink, plink, plink._

"There." Carlisle said, as he inspected Bella's injured arm one last time. "It's all gone." He carefully dipped a Q-Tip into some kind of syrup I did not know of, and smeared it across the wound. He then ripped a piece of guaze off of a roll, and pressed it against her warm skin. "You should be fine, Bella," he said soothingly. "All the glass is gone. Just stay off of it, and do not remove the gauze for a while. It's still a fresh wound." Bella nodded, and got up. "We should go now." I said. I did not- I _could_ not make eye contact with Bella. It hurt too much.

"Carlisle can take me," Bella started, hinting. Her light blue blouse was already stained with blood, as it had soaked through the faulty gauze.

"I'm fine." I said, finally peering into Bella's eyes. "But, Bella, perhaps Alice can find something for you to wear until you change your clothing. Charlie might have a heart attack if he sees you."

She chuckled. "You're probably right. Charlie's never shocked to see me in bandages, but he might be a little alarmed if he sees _this._" She motioned to her arm, which was now soaked with blood, and to her shoulder, which was smothered in thick, pink, frosting. "I'll ask Alice." She hurried off to find a change of clothes, and I scurried off to the door.

Bella returned, in another blue blouse, quite similar to the previous one. I opened the door for her, motioned for her to get inside the car, and drove back to her house. I think I went over the speed limit that time.

-x-

When we were safe in the house, I sat Bella down. I didn't know what to say, so I simply waited for her to start the conversation. I wanted to hear her say something, anything.

"Say something," she said. _Anything but that._

"What do want me to say?" I asked. Even I knew that my voice sounded detached.

"Tell me you forgive me." She said.

"Forgive _you_? For what?" A sudden flicker of curiousness, of astonishment washed over my face, one that might have been misinterpreted as anger to Bella.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." She said. I silently pondered her reasoning.

"Bella," I started. "you gave yourself a paper cut- that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault." She offered.

Now I was mad. Not mad. I was_ furious._ How was this her fault? I was agitated too. I couldn't understand her logic. "Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela, and your other normal friends, the worst that possibly could have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own- without someone throwing you into them- even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up- and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" Bella asked. That part seemed to be the only part she kept from my rant.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a lot healthier for you to be with." I growled. I didn't approve of the words coming out of my mouth, even though I chose to say them.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked, pleading to change the subject.

"I should go home." The last thing I wanted to do was stay with Bella, and have her blame herself for the whole ordeal.

"For my birthday," she pressed.

Even this sentence flared some anger inside my core. "You can't have it both ways- wither you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." I was surprised at the sternness of my voice. It wasn't intended that way.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday." She agreed. "I'll see you upstairs."

Then, she did something shocking. Shocking for Bella, atleast. She reached for her presents. "You don't have to take those," I said. "Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I want them." She replied. "I'll survive."

The night progressed, and Bella eventually fell into a deep slumber. As usual, I sat in the chair in the corner of the room, watching my Bella. She was so beautiful in her sleep. So peaceful. A smile crept across her mouth. I rested my head on the back of the chair, thinking about tomorrow. This was my last night with Bella, _my Bella._

-x-

The night dragged on, and like every day, was greeted by the morning. I walked to the door, not wanting to wake Bella up. I wasn't worried about waking Charlie, as I had heard his deep snoring from the hall.

"Edward?" a muffled cry came from Bella. I rushed to her side.

"Yes, love?" I answered.

"Are you leaving?"

"Alas, Bella, I must go. I'll see you later tonight."

"Not without a goodbye kiss."

I leaned over to her angelic face, took her face in my hands. The kiss began much the same as usual, but something changed. It became more frantic, more panicked. My hands tangled in her hair, messy from sleeping. Bella crushed herself against me eagerly. I pulled away. "Sorry," I said, breathless. "That was way out of line."

"I don't mind," she said, panting. _Of course._

"I should go, Bella." She nodded in agreement. "I'll see you later tonight. I bent down, giving Bella one lass kiss.

"Bye, Bella," I said.


	4. Chapter 4: The Long Goodbye

I do not claim New Moon as my own

**I do not claim New Moon as my own. This is SM's genius work, I'm just touching it up, and switching around the point of view. Credit goes to SM as well as me. Some parts are copied word for word from NM just to give you the full effect.**

**Chapter 3: The Long Goodbye**

The hours had never passed so quickly. School was over, in what seemed like minutes after it started. The school bells only reminded me of what was to come- the long goodbye.

Soon, even evening came, and it was time. The time I'd been dreading the most had come. I wanted so much to pretend like everything was going to stay the same, rather than hide under the wings of a false reality, but I had my task set out for me. "It was best for Bella," were the only words that prevented me from losing my mind.

I had come to Bella's house, welcomed, and I sat down on the couch. The surroundings didn't seem appropriate. I didn't want to sour her taste to her own living room. "Come for a walk with me." I said.

I could feel Bella's hands shaking slightly as I led her out of the house, onto the path into the forest. I could see her face had gotten pale, and the blush of her cheeks had vanished. I could see the pleading in her eyes, and the anxiety of what was to come.

I took a few steps, until we were shaded by the trees, and turned to face her. I suppose it wasn't much of a walk, but atleast we had made it outside.

"Okay, let's talk." Bella said. I suppose it was easier if she made the first move. I took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving." There. It was said, done.

"Why now? Another year-" I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Bella stared at me, still rather confused. And suddenly, I understood. Her next word confirmed my thoughts.

"When you saw _we_-," she whispered. I couldn't stand it. She had thought I meant her too. How I wished that was the case.

"I mean my family and myself". I must have looked like I actually meant what I was saying, because the confusion that was in Bella's eyes turned to sheer horror.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you." _No, Bella, no. Don't make this harder on me. _

"You can't, Bella." I said, my voice cold and hard. "Where we're going…it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." That realization hit home.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"My world is not for you." _Of course it was! My world __**was**__ her._

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," I agreed grimly. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" She shouted.

"Bella." _Stop, Bella._

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you!"

"Bella." _Please, Bella._

"It's yours already!"

"Bella." I couldn't. I could not say this. But I had to. "I don't want you to come with me." I could not believe I had said those words. I didn't mean them. _I didn't mean them Bella!_

She looked at me, and what I saw back in her eyes shocked me.

She believed me.

"You…don't…want me?" _Of course I do, Bella! Don't believe it. Please don't, Bella._

I looked down. There were a few more last threads I had to cut.

"No." _I do, Bella! I do want you!_

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised at how calm she sounded. She did believe it. She really thought I didn't want her. Didn't she know me enough to understand that I loved her? That I can't live without her?

I looked away. I could not speak to her to her face, anymore. I was ashamed. "I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened he other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, Bella. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." she cried. _Bella. I wouldn't if I didn't have to._

"Don't do this."

It was too late, though.

I already had.

"Well…if that's what you want." She said. Every fiber of my being wanted to hold on to her. To keep her near me for the rest of our lives. I nodded in agreement, breaking the last thread of our relationship, and therefore the last thread of my sanity.

I felt guilty for asking her a favor, but, putting my morals aside, I did. "Don't do anything reckless." I watched as Bella used all her energy on a simple nod. It killed me inside to watch her suffer. "I'll make you a promise in return," I continued. "I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back." _I longed too, though._

I smiled, putting on a façade of fake happiness. "Don't worry. You're human. Time heals all wounds of your kind." _I only wished it was the same for me._

"Goodbye, Bella," I said. I was leaving my life, my soul, here in Forks.

"Wait!" she pleaded.

"Take care of yourself." I turned, and walked away, out of my Bella's life.

It was then that the tears of my soul poured down.

It was over.


	5. Chapter 5: Having Nothing

What was the point of this now? What could I possibly do to maintain any of the happiness I had obtained before, when Bella was incorporated into my life? Her name stung in my mind. The image of her face tore it apart. I dared not look back at the face of my Bella- her downturned lips, her wet, chocolate brown eyes. The pain I had caused her magnified my imperfections as much as they could. I'd never known the strife of having nothing. For what did I have now, besides shame, guilt, fear, and pure agony?

The knowledge of the pain I had inflicted made me doubt my reason for existing.

And then it hit me.

If I had nothing to live for,

Why live at all?


	6. Chapter 6: Rebirth

**Rebirth**

**Bella's POV**

What was there to do now? The love of my life, however cliche it sounded, was gone. I felt like pinching myself, to see if this just was a nightmare. I closed my eyes, hoping Edward would appear any second, wrapping his arms around me, and telling me it was all a trick.

Minutes passed.

No Edward.

The second my eyes opened once more, they saw a different world. It wasn't the same, colorful one I'd seen when I knew Edward was beside me. It was cold, and gray, and lonely. Lonely. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in so long, I almost doubted it's existence. But yet, here I stood, feeling it to it's highest extent. It felt horrible.

The scene kept running through my mind. He didn't want me. _He _didn't want me. He didn't want _me._ No matter how I said it, it meant the same thing. I was unloved, unwanted. I felt relief, for a second, if that. I'd always thought it was too good to be true- for me to be with Edward. It made sense now, at least.

I picked up my foot, which felt heavier than ever, and took the first step of my new life. The new life without Edward. I did it again, and again, carrying the burden of a thousand sorrows in each step.

Making my way through the trees, trying to find an unknown destination, I sat down.

And I cried.


	7. This is it

**Yeah, yeah, I know. It's been a while since I updated this thing. I felt like I ran into a wall, and I couldn't get this story to progress. But I've finally figured out how to maneuver around it, and I plan to. So, here goes. Be sure to review to tell me how I'm doing! :D**

**Edward**

Leaving wasn't a mistake. It was something I had to do. It's not like I wanted to leave. I needed to protect her, I needed to protect my family. It was the only way. Even so, the long to hear from her stung me greatly. I decided to call her.

I sprinted to the nearest payphone, and dropped a quarter in the slot. I dialed the numbers rapidly, needing to hear her voice.

"Hello?" a voice answered. It wasn't Bella.

"Rosalie?" I asked, my disappointment too great to hide.

"Yes. Edward?"

"Yeah, it's me. Rosalie, I need to speak with someone. Bella, or Jacob. Someone."

"Edward, Jacob's at the funeral."

I hung up. There was absolutely no more I wanted to hear. Bella was dead, because of me. I had done this. I was the monster I had tried for so long not to be.

They say that there is only one way for a vampire to die. They say the vampire needs to be torn limb to limb, and have each and every torn piece of flesh be burned in a violent fire.

I think this fact is disputable.

I say that there are two ways a vampire can die. The first, I've already explained, but the second way is a little more complex. To die, the vampire needs to have his only true love taken away from him.

You could say that I was at that point.

I already had made the decision to kill myself, but I didn't yet know how I was going to go about it.

I could upset the wolves, I suppose, but that would require going back to Forks, the place where I was least welcome now. I never thought I would stoop down as low as the Volturi in proceeding with this deed.

The Volturi.

This was the answer.

I headed to the airport, and bought a ticket to Italy. It really was as simple as that. The clerk at the ticketing counter may have been suspicious of my motive, but money obviously made it all better, for she dismissed my lowly appearance, and sent me on my way. In a weird way, I was happy to leave this world. I no longer would have to bear the evils of this world, nor be taunted by my severed love with Bella.

My flight was in 45 minutes, but they began boarding early, so I got on the plane and sat, confined within the belt I so easily could have torn apart.

I waited, thoughts racing through my mind, confusion, and anger, and loss swirling within me.

I rudely dismissed the stewardess, who had offered me a drink, along with her phone number, and I closed my eyes, drifting off into a phony sleep.

This was it.


End file.
